“A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert “Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycet… See more

I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar. I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said: “Are … See more

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out. My colleague can no longer atte… See more

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel! What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake! Where do cows go for enter… See more