"Stop that. I love my wife and family. All I'm going to use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and … See more

“To the untrained eye, I’m eating an orange. But to the eye that has brains, I’m making a point about marriage. For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have th… See more

“No, actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother to get one.” "I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I lo… See more