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Learn more about Bing search results hereOrganizing and summarizing search results for youHere are some funny one-liners about life:- “Life is a terminal disease.”
- “Take my advice — I’m not using it.”
- “A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.”
- “Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.”
- “If you fall, I’ll be there.”
- “Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.”
- “Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.”
- “It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.”
- “I always take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.”
- “I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.”
- “I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’”
- “Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.”
2 Sources TOP 25 WITTY ONE LINERS QUOTES | A-Z Quotes
- Last updated: Oct 30, 2009
- Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W. C. Fields. Love, Inspirational, Life.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Steven Wright. Funny, Life, Sarcastic.
- There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. George …
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde. Funny, …
- My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg. Funny, …
TOP 25 SARCASTIC ONE LINERS QUOTES | A-Z Quotes
- Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions …
- I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it. Sherrilyn Kenyon. Insanity, …
- Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill. Life, …
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Laurence J. Peter. Funny, Witty, Revenge.
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. Oscar Wilde. Funny, Sarcastic, …
TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE BURNS (of 141) | A-Z Quotes
- There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every …
- First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your …
- Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving …
- I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my …
- You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and …
TOP 25 QUOTES BY JOAN RIVERS (of 329) | A-Z Quotes
- I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to …
- Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending. Joan Rivers. Stars, Giving, …
- I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I …
- I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better. Joan Rivers. …
- If you laugh at it, you can deal with it. Joan Rivers. Laughing, Deals, Ifs.
TOP 25 QUOTES BY JIMMY CARR (of 94) | A-Z Quotes
- Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes. Jimmy Carr. Funny, Humor, …
- My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy …
- British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. …
- Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I …
- My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. …
TOP 25 QUOTES BY RED SKELTON | A-Z Quotes
Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Red Skelton
TOP 25 QUOTES BY HENNY YOUNGMAN (of 229)
Discover Henny Youngman famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Henny Youngman and quotations about wife and comedy. "A guy complains of a headache. Another guy..."
WITTY ONE LINERS QUOTES [PAGE - 2] | A-Z Quotes
Enjoy our witty one liners quotes collection. Best witty one liners quotes selected by thousands of our users!
TOP 25 QUOTES BY STEVE MARTIN (of 339) | A-Z …
Discover Steve Martin famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Steve Martin and quotations about comedy and writing. "All I've ever wanted was an honest week's..."
TOP 25 FUNNY ONE LINER QUOTES | A-Z Quotes
Sep 24, 2009 · Enjoy our funny one liner quotes collection. Best funny one liner quotes selected by thousands of our users!
TOP 25 QUOTES BY BOB NEWHART (of 84) | A-Z …
The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it.
TOP 25 QUOTES BY BOB HOPE (of 239) | A-Z Quotes
Discover Bob Hope famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Bob Hope and quotations about golf and comedy. "I was there. I saw your sons and..."
TOP 25 QUOTES BY MILTON BERLE (of 123) | A-Z Quotes
Discover Milton Berle famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Milton Berle and quotations about christmas and wife. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
TOP 25 FUNNY LIFE QUOTES (of 245) | A-Z Quotes
Enjoy our funny life quotes collection. Best funny life quotes selected by thousands of our users!
TOP 25 QUOTES BY GREG GUTFELD (of 147) | A-Z Quotes
Discover Greg Gutfeld famous and rare quotes. Share Greg Gutfeld quotations about politics, evil and running. "A funny thing about tolerant people? They're really..."
TOP 25 QUOTES BY JACKIE GLEASON | A-Z Quotes
Discover Jackie Gleason famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Jackie Gleason and quotations about children and wife. "One of these days... One of these days..."
TOP 25 QUOTES BY TIM VINE (of 65) | A-Z Quotes
Discover Tim Vine famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Tim Vine and quotations about writing and house. "So I went to the Chinese restaurant and..."
FUNNY LIFE QUOTES [PAGE - 2] | A-Z Quotes
Sep 22, 2016 · Enjoy our funny life quotes collection. Best funny life quotes selected by thousands of our users!
TOP 25 QUOTES BY STEVEN WRIGHT (of 529) | A-Z Quotes
Discover Steven Wright famous and rare quotes. Share funny quotes by Steven Wright and quotations about comedy and cars. "If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the..."
George Carlin Funny Quotes | A-Z Quotes
Funny, Life, Witty Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic …
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