I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm five foot three and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic, a mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother me that you need to see
Go check out MySpace

'Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three-way chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac

In real life, the only time I've
Ever even been to LA
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

But, oh, online, I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six-pack abs that will blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three-way chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in

Oh, online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I can have a three-way chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

Hey, I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
(Yeah, he's cooler online)
Hey, I'm cooler online (oh, oh)
(Yeah, he's cooler online)
Yeah, I'm sittin' alright
Hey, I'm cooler online
(Yeah, he's cooler online, hey)